There once was a juggler name Ollie
Who was daring and ever so jolly
His career was cut short
By his olio tort
Throwing knives in the mix was sheer folly
Saturday, 27 November 2010
Friday, 26 November 2010
Bonanza
There once was an eejit named Cowen
Who to bankers kept scrapin' and bowin'
But his bailout bonanza
Holds no sway in this stanza
The ship's sinking; we just have to keep rowin'
Who to bankers kept scrapin' and bowin'
But his bailout bonanza
Holds no sway in this stanza
The ship's sinking; we just have to keep rowin'
Monday, 4 October 2010
Nympholepsy
There once was a vain nympholeptic
Whose cravings were rather eclectic
Her frenzied desires
To which she aspired
Left her warn out and quite narcoleptic
Whose cravings were rather eclectic
Her frenzied desires
To which she aspired
Left her warn out and quite narcoleptic
Sunday, 3 October 2010
Fossick
There once was a fellow named Hector
Who went out with his metal detector
He fossicked around
The thing bleeped; then he found
That it just had a faulty connector
Who went out with his metal detector
He fossicked around
The thing bleeped; then he found
That it just had a faulty connector
Saturday, 2 October 2010
Mussitate
There once was a cranky old grouch
Who did nothing but and mutter and slouch
His sour mussitation
Caused such irritation
He was hated, for that I can vouch
Who did nothing but and mutter and slouch
His sour mussitation
Caused such irritation
He was hated, for that I can vouch
Friday, 1 October 2010
Satori
There was an agnostic called Ken
Who felt empty and noticed a yen
Transformed by satori
The twist in the story
Is that now he's converted to Zen
Who felt empty and noticed a yen
Transformed by satori
The twist in the story
Is that now he's converted to Zen
Thursday, 30 September 2010
Lucifugous
There once was a blood-sucking Count
Whose anemia he tried to surmount
For the lucifugous fella
Was pasty and yella
But his blood-sucking to nought did amount
Whose anemia he tried to surmount
For the lucifugous fella
Was pasty and yella
But his blood-sucking to nought did amount
Wednesday, 29 September 2010
Confiscable
The trading world's hedge-fund proponents
Despite ethical peer group opponents
Tenaciously clung
(Though the industry swung)
To their confiscable fiscal components
Despite ethical peer group opponents
Tenaciously clung
(Though the industry swung)
To their confiscable fiscal components
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Efface
A young politician liked tweeting
And sent tweets from his cabinet meeting
But the twit tweeted 'twat'
A mere typo at that
But he couldn't erase his vile greeting
And sent tweets from his cabinet meeting
But the twit tweeted 'twat'
A mere typo at that
But he couldn't erase his vile greeting
Monday, 27 September 2010
Rigmarole
There was a young girl who liked jogging
Who tried to combine it with blogging
But this rigmarole meant
All her power was spent
Now her arteries slowly are clogging
Who tried to combine it with blogging
But this rigmarole meant
All her power was spent
Now her arteries slowly are clogging
Sunday, 26 September 2010
Marmite
There's a statue in Burton-on-Trent
Built for those who approve and dissent
For it's loved and it's hated
And hotly debated
But for me it's a spread heaven-sent
Courgette
A woman broke out in a sweat
When her life seemed to be under threat
For a bear large and black
Was about to attack
But she defeated him with a courgette
When her life seemed to be under threat
For a bear large and black
Was about to attack
But she defeated him with a courgette
Aeon
There was a fair Goddess named Venus
Who felt discontent with her genus
With the powers of an aeon
She transformed her being
And now she's adorned with a penis
Who felt discontent with her genus
With the powers of an aeon
She transformed her being
And now she's adorned with a penis
Saturday, 25 September 2010
Agog
'The Tinderbox' tells quite a story
But in places it's really quite gory
Fantastical dogs
Kept the soldier agog
And the moral is: greed leads to glory!
But in places it's really quite gory
Fantastical dogs
Kept the soldier agog
And the moral is: greed leads to glory!
Brobdingnagian
A bare-knuckle boxer called Flanagan
Whose proportions were quite brobdingnagian
Was knocked off his feet
And conceded defeat
As his opponent was skilled at shenanigans
Whose proportions were quite brobdingnagian
Was knocked off his feet
And conceded defeat
As his opponent was skilled at shenanigans
Imago
I once loved a school boy I'd seen
A replacement there'd never since been
But the illusion was shattered
When the imago was battered
For in hindsight his teeth were quite green
A replacement there'd never since been
But the illusion was shattered
When the imago was battered
For in hindsight his teeth were quite green
Jactation
There was a poor farmer named Wayne
Who owned a mad cow he called Jane
Her crazy jactation
Caused such jerky lactation
That he lost half her milk down the drain
Who owned a mad cow he called Jane
Her crazy jactation
Caused such jerky lactation
That he lost half her milk down the drain
Wend
There's a board game we call 'Snakes and Ladders'
Which consists of some rungs and some adders
As you wend your way through
The air can turn blue
As you'll go quite insane, and then madder
Which consists of some rungs and some adders
As you wend your way through
The air can turn blue
As you'll go quite insane, and then madder
Burlesque
There's a dancer named Dita Von Teese
Who performs in a burlesque striptease
This art-form revived
She has smartly connived
And positioned it way above sleaze
Who performs in a burlesque striptease
This art-form revived
She has smartly connived
And positioned it way above sleaze
Diaphanous
There once was a buxom young broad
Who got horny when lonely and bored
So she'd pair a short skirt
With diaphanous shirt
And go out on the town till she scored
Who got horny when lonely and bored
So she'd pair a short skirt
With diaphanous shirt
And go out on the town till she scored
Frabjous
There was a great author named Charles
Who wrote stories for nice Liddell girls
He took frabjous delight
At young Alice's sight
But was he too fond of her curls?
Who wrote stories for nice Liddell girls
He took frabjous delight
At young Alice's sight
But was he too fond of her curls?
Hobbledehoy
There once was a gangly youth
Who was awkward and very uncouth
To add to the joy
Of this hobbledehoy
He was spotty and goofy of tooth
Who was awkward and very uncouth
To add to the joy
Of this hobbledehoy
He was spotty and goofy of tooth
Friday, 24 September 2010
Interrogang
A young tennis player named John
Performed tantrums as the crowd egged him on
He gave verbal assault
When the linesman called 'fault!'
His interrogang style was foregone
Performed tantrums as the crowd egged him on
He gave verbal assault
When the linesman called 'fault!'
His interrogang style was foregone
Thursday, 16 September 2010
Quaggy
There was a large woman named Maggie
Whose bottom was seriously saggy
But it couldn't disguise
The state of her thighs
Which were baggy and craggy and quaggy
Whose bottom was seriously saggy
But it couldn't disguise
The state of her thighs
Which were baggy and craggy and quaggy
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Arch
There once was a hero named Bond
With a penchant for one certain blonde
His arch enemy flipped
And had the girl dipped
Out of Pussy our hero was conned
With a penchant for one certain blonde
His arch enemy flipped
And had the girl dipped
Out of Pussy our hero was conned
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
Taoiseach
There was a big eejit named Brian
Who was partial to drinkin' and lyin'
On the air off his face
What a feckin' disgrace
While this beautiful country is dyin'
Who was partial to drinkin' and lyin'
On the air off his face
What a feckin' disgrace
While this beautiful country is dyin'
Ambrosial
A couple was drinking some wine
It was fragrant and tasted just fine
She said, 'Do you suppose
It comes from Ambrose?'
He said, 'Yes, as it's truly divine!'
It was fragrant and tasted just fine
She said, 'Do you suppose
It comes from Ambrose?'
He said, 'Yes, as it's truly divine!'
Monday, 13 September 2010
Tittle
There was a French teacher so little
Who shouted so hard she sprayed spittle
Her fluid oration
Got lost in translation
As you couldn't tell spittle from tittle
Who shouted so hard she sprayed spittle
Her fluid oration
Got lost in translation
As you couldn't tell spittle from tittle
Sunday, 12 September 2010
Subaudition
There was a young girl from Brazil
Who was careless at taking her pill
Unsheathed subaudition
Ignored this ommission
And a baby was born from her thrill
Who was careless at taking her pill
Unsheathed subaudition
Ignored this ommission
And a baby was born from her thrill
Rue
There once was a man from Peru
Who wanted to play the kazoo
As he blew on his whistle
He sat on a thistle
And said, 'this is a day I shall rue!'
Who wanted to play the kazoo
As he blew on his whistle
He sat on a thistle
And said, 'this is a day I shall rue!'
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